Moment of Truth

While waiting the time of my delivery, I never forget about the thing that had happened to me early this year.

A loss is still a loss, no matter how "normal" it is, how "small" it is..

Different people takes it differently. For me, it changes my life. It changes the way I appreciate every little thing in my life. Change the way I love people. Make me stronger (and weaker at times)

I am always a fighter. I fight till I get the thing I want. Also I am a good actress I would say. The person who can see my true color is my husband.

It is hard. Especially to hear people's feedback about this. Some are not considerate (maybe they never gone through this) and some are real supportive. The last person u expect will ask personally about my condition, is among the first who whatsapp me. I truly appreciate it.

The fear of never ever getting chance to be a mama. Fear of something is really wrong with me. Fear that people are right..

I got some people who asked me whether I dah ada "isi" ke belum few days after my miscarriage. Ada yang ckp horror stories, about I might never pregnant again

It feels like a punishment at first..Allah gave u something and take it back too soon.

From that moment, I tried to conceive again even my gynae warned me not too for at least 3 months. The first month is full of tears. It was quite depressing to see negative symbol. Last time, when I was pregnant I got another 4 person who pregnant also at the same time. Also my bestfriends who personally asked me and shared their good news when they successfully conceived just after few weeks I miscarried. My circle is full with good news. I cant be selfish and blamed them as they have all the reasons in the world to be happy..just like ur happy on your graduation day, wedding day, anything! but I know the level of joy of being pregnant is 100times better.Only a mother can understand this. I never understand this until I am a mother. I was truly happy, still sharing tips etc but as a normal person, sometimes I found myself cried in the middle of the night.  

People who never experienced loss will never understand this.

Allah is great. He gave me another chance. This time, I will make sure I take care of my baby. Give the best for him. Shower him with the love. Capture and enjoy every moment. Cause I never know when it will be ended. Even I am doing that, people keep giving negative responses.

Parenting is not only a natural process. I have zero knowledge. Then I have to learn. I dont know why people make big fuss about it, its not that i commit crime. I just want to be a better parent coz I know that I have a lot of weakness in my life. I never a good daughter..

I never regret about my miscarriage and my short TTC journey. Sometimes I flashback and make me feel more grateful about anything..some people just picture me as being showing off.. or too excited. Allah knows best and I am lucky that I have circle of positive family and friends.

I pray that all my pregnant ladies, moms and TTCians to be well and hope their dreams come true. ameen ameen.

never count on others' people blessings..u never know their battle and focus more on your own blessings..no one is better than anyone. I may have this wonderful story, I also have struggles in life. Alhamdulillah for everything :)

38 weeks

Hi semua..

Minggu ni dah 38 weeks..dah kena buat weekly checkup..sebab tahap kesihatan diri pun tak berapa optimum. Owh well..dah dekat2 ni macam2 la masalah baru timbul. InsyaAllah I'm keeping myself positive sebab all through 9 months, I am really healthy :)

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah utk aku mencapai gentle birth.

Last week check up air ketuban kurang..this week air ketuban masih kurang and baby kedudukan OP. Dalam 1 week jugaklah berat naik lebih 1kg. Dah terasa badan tak best sebab pulun makan kek, aiskrim and makan berkali2 satu masa meal tu..haha. Makanya, kena yoga and exercise lebih la ni..n kali ni kena amek MC..

Ok..i reli keen to update everything around my preparation and also parenthood journey..tp still contemplating..should i update here or create new blog? hmmm hmmm

I love sharing..lagipun seronok sebab mmg ramai yang tanya macam2..especially i really want to share about my crazy experience in raising my baby dgn career yg demanding.

lets see how..i got 1 free week  haha

Tanda2 Awal Pregnant

Ramai yang tanya pasal tanda2 awal pregnant. For me I have this symptom twice!

Masa yang 1st time preggy, tanda2 tu agak2 obvious..

1. Sudden increase of appetite

2. Breast tenderness, serious sgt sakit

3. Instinct kot...

Owh..lagi satu..xde angin, xde ribut, tiba2 join netball team kat opis. Siap beli lagi bola nak praktis haha. Serius hubby terkejut. Sebab last time I played was during primary school.

Then, my closed fren kat opis yg tgh preggy knew about my intention about playing netball. Asked me about my period etc. I was quite in denial sbb baru sgt kawen kot haha. She forced me to buy UPT.

2nd time...

I feel nothing...my breast pun x tender macam masa 1st time dulu.. tp yang pasti, my instinct was quite strong that something is happening.. sbb bdn rasa panas lain macam. I feel a bit tired. I even bought UPT and tested it before my expected period day

Then masa hari yang patut period tu, ada blood stain. I was quite confident tu period. I was a bit dissapointed but relief as well..sbb shows that my period is regular.

Tapi.......that it is. Sekali tu je blood stain. Then xde...then next few days ada lagi sikit tompok. Then try UPT. Alhamdulillah. I am pregnant! Perasaan takut tu lebih dari excited sebenarnya..takut berulang lagi. So sentiasa berjaga2.

Owh doktor pun "marah" sbb 1 month + je beza, dah lekat balik. huhu

Anyway, susah nak cakap pasal tanda2 awal pregnant ni sebab tanda dia sgt similar dgn nak period. Doa banyak2 dalam tu dijaga n lekat. InsyaAllah.

3rd trimester

Alhamdulillah
sometimes i can't believe we made this through this far. Syukur sgt2.

keadaan awal 3rd trimester
- sangat3 aktif, semua org tegur..few colleagues yg sama term dgn i pun dah nampak slow tp i still xsedar diri
- baby is so genius. responding to our action
- badan rasa berat..haha

i had tough 1st tri...alhamdulillah now im on top of my health. looking forward to his grand entrance. everyday sure excited coz everyday is one day closer to see him

- its amazing how baby masih dlm perut pun boleh buat both of us ketawa heee.

syukur :)

Birth Affirmation

Hypnobirthing Class by Nadine

Helloooo

Cant believe now I am at my 26weeks already. Dulu masa 4 bulan, sibuklah risau perut kempis..xnampak2 haha. tapi..now...perut membesar dgn jayanya. hahaha.

Ok..sebenarnya terlampau banyak nak update pasal my pregnancy progress ni. Seronok sangat melalui perkara baru. Everyday is a learning process.

Today nak update pasal hynobirthing.

I first heard about this masa my colleague cerita pasal ni. She shared me all the links and i terus jatuh cinta! Apa tu hypnobirthing? Hypnosis + birthing. So ala2 beranak under hipnosis. haha. All in all, it is all about technique to give birth safely, gently and comfortable.

What hypnobirthing is not? Hypnobirth bukan homebirth taw. Patutla ramai sangat yang mencebik or avoid conversation bila ckp i attend hypnobirth. No...actually its a technique yg u boleh apply kat mana2..kat rumah ke, hospital, csect ke.

hypnobirth ni basically to know how your body works, apa jenis interventions yg kat hospital, tlg kita utk buat informed decision

selalunya, dulu kita ada mindset yang proses melahirkan anak ni kita serah bulat2 kat doctor. padahal tu baby kita, kita yang push the baby..we were so ignorance. but in this time of technology, kita kene research everything we do, questions and make the best decisions. even kita plan the smallest thing kan? apentah lagi pasal beranakkkk. it is an important business!! hehe

"Just as a woman’s heart knows how and when to pump, her lungs to inhale, and her hand to pull back from fire, so she knows when and how to give birth. ~ Virginia Di Orio"

The one yang I attend is with Nadine. Both of us enjoy n look forward for the class. Ada macam2 module. Paling best sbb semua ni adalah ah-ha moment for us. Something we can apply. Paling penting ubah mindset and make us really excited about this pregnancy journey. Class setup is at her condo, selesa and max 5 couples only. Seronok sbb more to sharing session/videos/visualization. Even pasrah sbb hubby kdg2 snooze masa hypnosis. cehhh hahaha.

if berminat or nak tawu pasal this class, can go here: http://www.mygentlebeginnings.com/ 

Setiap kelas 2.5 hours, ada 5 kelas. untuk yang merancang nak preggy or tgh preggy i recommend u put aside duit siap2 sebab its quite an amount gak la hehe. but serius worth it.

owhhh one more pre-birth preparation class is AMANI. pun tentang gentle birthing jugak. it is more on islamic principles. I went the preview of AMANI class under Puan Hayati Muzaffar. I recommend her for AMANI class. https://www.facebook.com/AMANIMalaysia 

Apa beza AMANI and hypnobirth class? I think the aim sama, to get gentle birth just the different is the technique. I chose hypnobirth sbb i nak belajar more on "hypnosis" and use mind techniques..sbb i think leh apply to other areas. AMANI pun ada ajar2 some teknik as well, and the fee is a bit cheaper. 

ohhh lupa nak bgtawu...natural birth and gentle birth is different taw. natural birth is keluar thru our vaginal, but gentle birth is normal vaginal birth with no intervention, no epidural, no episotomi, no drug, no painkillers and mmg enjoy the birth (less or no pain at all or even orgasmic birthing) haha. sbb philosophy gentle birth ni..cmne u get the baby (make love) macam tu la if nak keluarkan baby hehe. i dont knowwwww...need to practice to achieve that hehe

by next month, my hubby and i will start practice relaxation and visualization. insyaAllah.

here, we also being taught of birth companion or doula. alaa...skrg kan hospital dah benarkan ada yang teman. so dlm kelas ni jugaklah diterangkan apa birth companion tu should do. birth companion/doula bukan bidan ok! dia adalah cheerleader, our papa bear, org yang paling tahu pasal apa kita nak and how to calm us. so for my case...my hubby will be my doula! hehe. 

sejak tawu pasal this one, i can say all the couples in this support system is very good, they introduced about a lot of good things,infant massage, babywearing, breastfeeding, nutrition, exercise, bykla! because how we handle our pregnancy and birthing sbnrnya is a hint how we will manage our lil ones and life :)

I am sooo blessed to be in very positive circle/support system. Sentiasa share pasal pregnancy, birthing, child education etc. I know this is really up to Allah's plan but i do believe He wants us to put best effort. My aim is not jz to have easy birth, but most importantly to welcome my baby to this harsh world. His entry shouldnt be harsh and my hubby and I want to create bonding with him. Do the best we could :) 

On pregnancy

I am glowing
Feel beautiful
And accepting all the changes happening to me physically and mentally
Because i know you are there, inside my womb :)

25 weeks...and counting!

Alhamdulillah. Time flies! Im already 6 month pregnant.

The best best feeling in the world is to feel his kicks. Responding to all your actions. hehe.
Betul org2 cakap..2nd trimester ni memang babymoon. I am feeling more like myself now, except with my bigger tummy! hehe.

Setakat ni kami belum lagi beli apa2 persiapan. Banyak survey dan start menabung!

Its going to be a very, very exciting yet challenging for me. New role, new house and of course this baby!!

A lil update about our preparation:

Kami enroll hypnobirthing class! Hypnobirthing is actually a technique to assist gentle birth. Dari awal, I really    want to have normal birth. It is sad to know ppl surrounds me, esp my mother, terpaksa experience c-sect. Seriusly, in my case, i lg common jumpa mommy yg c-sect.. I know they have different, valid reason..

but i reli2 want to have normal birth. Amin amin. I trust my body to work wonders :)

Ok, about this hypnobirth class, its 5 time classes, each class about 2 jam 30minit. Every weekend, both of us really look forward to this class. It helps me to bond with my baby, husband, and also myself. I gain confidence. Not to mention, I am with very positive couples. It is very very good environment.

Baby, mama and daddy look forward to your arrival. We want you to enter this world calmly and we want you to know that world welcomes you. We love you so much :)

Tips Kumpul Duit Untuk Kahwin!

Salam semua..first of all, selamat berpuasa utk semua umat Islam. Kali ni pertama kali berpuasa dgn suami. Excitednya!


Anyway, dah lama sangat nak buat entry ni since ramai yang call/email/Tanya pasal persiapan utk kawen ni. Not to say that I have the perfect, expensive wedding. Tp maybe ramai yang boleh relate kot. Both of us coming from very, very decent family..we dont have the advantage of getting money easily at all. Also kerja pun baru 2tahun. Plus, maybe ramai jugak Nampak how involve I am in my wedding hehe. Beware: ni x applicable utk yg banyak duit

Ok, problem biasa kita dengar pasal duit. Meh kita cerita sikit2 macam mana boleh survive lol. I can say this is not an easy journey but its totally worth it :)

1. Set your mind, set target bila nak tunang, kahwin. Pengalaman kami, percayalah anda takkan pernah cukup duit atau bersedia untuk kahwin. Tak kesahlah berapa tahun kerja. Haha. I don’t know la…tp it applies to a lot of ppl. So, u jump je on the train. Jump dengan bijak. Jangan jump untuk mati. Jump for success. For us, we decide apa2 pun bertunang dulu. Sebab dari situ dah prepare and sort of bagi motivation untuk kami utk focus. Kami start from zero. Serious. Hehe. Thx God kami tak tunggu lagi lama, sebab lagi lama, lagi high expectation, lagi lambat nak recover duit

2. Work backwards! Set dulu tarikh. Then dari situ kita boleh budget berapa je we can spend every month
3. You need to know what kind of wedding you want. Grand? Meriah? Dalam dewan? Rumah? Formal? Makan je? Etc. Also roughly berapa agak2 invitation. Ini penting sbb dia akan set the budget of your whole wedding.
4. Family is really important. Make sure semua dpt agreement. Tapi kami ni pandai. We agreed on big2 items first. And slowly bagi idea yang full dgn complete plan n all the benefits. So family hanya agree. Bukan push taw. We give them suggestion, tp suggestion tu buatlah cara yang berpihak kepada kita. Haha. It works! Save time, money and reduced headache. Most importantly, my family esp parents tak rasa left out langsung pun.
5. Plan plan plan. I am planning freak. I entertained my wedding macam work project. I got gant chart, RACI chart and of course checklist. I got one all in 1 document hardcopy and also softcopy. If u xtawu cmne nak buat u can always google tp I make smthng yg work for me. Ada yg siap bg suggestion utk I buat buku persiapan kahwin coz it is detailed. Lol

6. Duit is everything. Like I said, we sort of jump on the train. So by hook or by crook kena korek jugak duit. I xde mindset langsung yang laki kena provide money. Imagine, my hubby to be masa tu pun same boat like us. What do u expect? So ladies, u need to work ur ass off as well! Carik solution. Jangan nag kat ur hubby to be on money. Take action. You need to start first or at least bg idea. So my real story is, I setup my candy buffet business with my hubby. Also, ajak dia guna herbalife and jadi supervisor. Sama2 bekerja. If u nak something, dun only ask..but you need to provide the solution.
7. Ladies, make up your mind. Buat scrapbook of what kind of deco/concept u want. Then stick to it. You need to research seawal mungkin. My bridal, dressmaker, semua feedback yang I am very easy to work with. Sebab I know what I want and I give them details to help them to fulfill my requirement. Bridezilla mode dtg bila u keep on changing ur minds and u tak reti communicate. Bila kita tukar2 mende n x stick apa yg kita nak, cost pun naik kan?
8. Setiap bulan put aside siap2 untuk bayaran depo atau beli barang2. Every month start after I tunang (10bulan preparation btw, include carik duit!) we will start buying/paying for smthng. I memang book vendors awal2, then bayar sikit2.
9. Go to wedding expo, share your scrapbook and ask how much it cost. Pergi awal2. I do this before tunang lagi. After tunang busy giler carik duit hahaha.

10. Communicate well with you hubby to be. Duit adalah perkara yg sangat sensitive bagi laki. Sangat. You need to tackle this issue gently. Bukan tolong dengan salurkan duit, tapi give him solution and ideas. What we did upfront we sit together, tgk kat budget spreadsheet and agree yg mana satu split into 2.. Make sure bila ada pembahagian ni, its achievable. Sbb takut nanti laki rasa lebih tertekan. I make sure mana I boleh buat sendiri, I buat sendiri atau source my friends or relatives and search byk3 utk dpt the best price

11. You need to know what is your priority. For me, I nak make sure my guests happy dgn foods, doorgifts and the place. So I mmg tak take for granted all those things. Sbb guests sangat penting sbb mendoakan kita. Tapi if ada yang tak suka tu, lumrahla. Yang penting kita memang sgt ikhlas. 2nd, I really want a nice baju. So that I can keep it until anak cucu. So bila u tawu ur priority, u know where to put your money more. For me, hantaran, cincin, makeup, honeymoon, bilik etc is the thing that I save giler2
12. Ni tips paling penting. Try negotiate dgn parents in terms of budget. Hehe. Mmg my wedding ni bkn sponsored by my parents, tp I nego utk dptkan half-half budget utk makanan. Makanan mahal ok!!! So Alhamdulillah, dpt meringankan bebanku hehe. My stand masa tu sbb jemputan ramai kwn2 diorg, so sponsor la mkn sikit hehe.
13. Betulkan niat. Wedding bukan utk impress. Mmg akan ada things will go wrong. So take it as test  Jangan risau rasa terbeban sikit..good things takkan easily come. I can say I got the most pressure last year. Work, business, relationship, etc etc tapi bila semua ended, I baru perasan semua I manage to excel very well.
14. Then, leverage on your friends, contacts, relatives. My case, my event runner + singer is my fren, MC jugak, candy buffet PIC, bunga telur n hantaran my relatives, tarian by my moms students, doorgift and some of deco by my fren. Banyak lagi u boleh leverage..but u need to ask nicely and bgtawu awal2 n bg kepercayaan kat diorg :)

GOOD LUCK AND ENJOY YOUR JOURNEY.
You will miss it sooo much! Sumpah! hehe

18weeks: Gender?

I am at my 18th weeks now. Alhamdulillah

Now I can see the gender of my precious diamond! hehe

1) Melihat kepada perut si ibu. Kalau perut ibu kelihatan tajam iaitu meruncing ke depan, maka anak dalam kandungan tu lelaki. Kalau perut ibu bulat bundar / melebar ke tepi, itu kemungkinan anak perempuan.

- xreti nak tgk..sbb kadang2 meruncing kdg2 tak hehe

2) Melihat kepada nipple breast si abang atau kakaknya. Kalau nipple abang atau kakaknya terbelah..maka anak yang dalam kandungan tu anak pompuan. Sebaliknya, kalau nipple tu bulat / timbul maknanya anak dalam kandungan adalah lelaki. Ingat..nipple abang atau kakak kepada anak dalam kandungan tau. Bukan nipple ibu ataupun kakak atau abang si ibu..hehehe...

- not applicable hehe

3) Melihat arah tidur si ibu. Kalau si ibu suka tidur mengiring ke kanan.. maka kemungkinan anak yang dikandung adalah lelaki. Sebaliknya, kalau suka mengiring ke kiri..hah mungkin anak pompuan.

-ok kanan

4) Merasa arah berat perut. Kalau si ibu merasa bahawa anak dalam kandungan suka duduk kat sebelah kanan..mungkin anak lelaki. Sebaliknya..kalau baby tu suka dok sebelah kiri..mungkin pompuan.

- selalu rasa ada mende menguis kat belah kiri perut. xtawu plak belah mana yang lagi berat hehe

5) Melihat perangai si ibu. Kalau si ibu semasa mengandung suka bersolek, bergaya.. hah kemungkinan anak dalam kandungan tu pompuan. Sebaliknya kalau malas nak bersolek, bergaya ni..anak lelaki la tu.

- bab bersolek mmg dari bujang malas. ohhh tp mmg stress gak la nak carik baju tiap2 hari nak g opis. malas nak iron baju..

6) Melihat garisan pada perut ibu. Kalau garisan tegak dari bawah ke atas tu terang dan tak putus-putus maka anak dalam kandungan tu kemungkinan lelaki tapi kalau terputus..kemungkinan pompuan.

- ehem ehem. memang x putus heee

7) Melihat pada wajah si ibu. Kalau wajah ibu berseri-seri orang kata anak lelaki tapi sebaliknya kalau muka tak berseri orang kata anak pompuan..sebab anak pompuan tu telah menarik seri wajah ibu dia..sebab tu muka ibunya tak berseri..

- ramai yg cakap muka berseri2.. (cewah perasan)

8) Melihat kepada buku lali si ibu. Kalau kelihatan licin dan putih berseri, kemungkinan anak lelaki. Jika kelihatan kehijauan mungkin anak perempuan (ni dapat kat http://aidura.blogspot.com)

- ni xtawu. mmg xdela putih..confirm haha

9) Melihat kepada response baby lelaki atau perempuan terhadap ibu yang mengandung. Katanya, kalau baby pompuan tu suka kat ibu mengandung ni..anak dalam kandungan kemungkinan lelaki. Tapi sebaliknya kalau baby pompuan tu tak suka kemungkinan ianya sama jantina dengan dia..pompuan. Begitulah sebaliknya..

- ok...baby girl mmg slalu lekat heee.

apapun, tak kisahlah gender apapun, asalkan sihat, bijak, baik. dari dalam perut lagi dah pandai and mendengar kata. alhamdulillah hehe. Kena jadi abg long/kak long yang baik!

doakan kami ya..still long way to go :)

Road not taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I couldnt travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth
Haiya....im in the middle of two junction again.

Situation:
I am now exiting my graduate program in Shell. After 3 years of excitement, learning curve, high and down moments. So its time for me to think for my next permanent role. Alhamdulillah, the normal process is we have to apply for job in the system, go through interview sessions, etc. For those who are lucky, they get offers already. I am the latter.
At first i want to wait until my maternity leave ends. However, opportunities knocked on my door. I got 2
offers.

One offer is the role that im good at and i did it b4. But this time with different supplier. Basically this role manages the performance of the suppliers, tied back to their contract. This job allows me to perform at my own pace. I know i can do well in this position. Also the worklife balance is well taken care of. I am expecting a baby soon. Being faraway from my family and need to do everything from scratch, it basically freak me out.

The other offer is a lead/manager of 6 people. I will manage a service and people. This role is totally new even though i am well versed with the process as i was the process improvement analyst for that team. Imagine leading a team of experienced people, elder than me and i am totally no experience! Talk about firefighting everyday. Talk about managing ppl, process and customers. This role will really put me on stretch...however talk about opportunity and visibility that i would get (if i dun mess up). Also being a manager at my stage, it will really give me good learning curve.

I dont know. Being me i always love challenges. But i am not sure if i am capable. I will have a baby.. I want to be on top of everything. My career is very important for me and of course family is really2 important.
This situation reminds me of robert frost's poem.

Also a film that my hubs said this movie is abt me haha.
Watch "'I Don't Know How She Does It' Trailer" on YouTube

My husband is wonderful. He asked me to go for it and he will take care of the family.
Hmmmm...i dont know. Everything comes at the same time. Aaaa aaaa.
Anyone facing the same dilemma?
Can i choose both? I have always been told if u choose family u need to sacrifice career. Vice versa. I know if I choose the managerial position, I might not be the same person. I want to be a good mom and wife too.
Hmmm...

Cita-cita dan Jerebu

Sekarang i sangat jarang drive to work. Kadang2 je bila tuntutan kerja..
Except for all the headaches and hormonal changes i experienced during pregnancy, I have always love driving to work.

Reason being, bila drive sorang2..tu je la masa untuk betul2 bersendiri dan refleks diri. Maklumlah dah kahwin ni xde privacy. Dalam toilet pun kene kacau! Opsss...

Ok, when I drove to work last few days, of course I can clearly see the haze. It was bad. Very bad. Then it makes me thinking/flashback on my childhood ambition.

I can say I got variety of "not-so-normal" childhood ambition. Masa tadika lagi dah bercita2 nak jadi perdana menteri. Budak2 lain sibuk nak jadi polis la, posmen la, aku nak jd PM. Mampu? hahaa.

Anyway, around primary school my ambition was to be an environmentalist. Aktivis Alam Sekitar hahaa. Maybe sebab dari kecik banyak baca buku overseas and pasal science and stuffs. I am sooo soo determined to be one. I started to do research on my own..gi library (dulu xde google), potong surat khabar, buat artikel and buat buku scrap pasal alam sekitar. Serious i was reli determined to do that. Turn out semuanya bukan sia2 sebab i made good essays and all those resources were used during debate team.

Tapi macam biasa, selalunya niat murni ketika kecil2 selalu dilenyek dengan realiti. Bila disogok dengan cerita kerja ni xde duit, kena penjara, etc etc. Then jadi macam...okla..pun terlupa.

Bila flashback balik, kadang2 kita kena kembali masa zaman muda2/budak2., ketika niat suci dan murni. Terfikir macam mana semua manusia yang tak bertanggung jawab ni boleh jadi begitu. Padahal i am confident that dulu dia pun mempunyai cita2 murni cuma manusia mudah lupa.

Maka kawan2, mari kita flashback apa impian dan niat baik kita dulu2. Even cita2 tu tak kesampaian, tapi langkah2 lain masih boleh kita implement. Just imagined our little me discovered that we have grown up to be such an irresponsible person.

Ingat balik kenapa kita nak jadi cikgu? Kenapa kita belajar? Kenapa kita nak jadi kita yang hari ni?
I think if everyone takes time to do this, we live in a better world.

So..apa ye langkah saya untuk contribute alam sekitar? :)

Marriage :)

Looking back at our honeymoon pictures..and how surreal it was! We were like "fantasty" land everytime. Alhamdulillah for this happiness.

Look back at the past 8 months we have been together.. We have learnt sooo much about each other. We are happy most of the times, and also some times storm came, to strehgthen our relationship.

I could not ask for more. Sometimes I told Allah, he is too good for me, I think because of my parents prayers.

Anyway, bila dah kahwin ni banyak jugak perangai2 yang kita x pernah tawu even dah bertahun2 bercinta. He always pamper me. Ada org ckp sebab im preggy. I dont know, coz im preggy most of the times! haha.

Yang paling obvious ialah perangai membebel dia yg i like.

"Sayang, make sure letak sini. Sayang...pastikan meja tu clear. Sayang..dah habis makan letak kat dapur..etc etc"

I dont know about him, but I feel complete. Jemaah everytime, makan sama2, sharing session every night, "kutuk" each other. Couldnt imagine life without him.

I am confident that he will be a great father. InsyaAllah. This is the feeling of married couple. Happiness. Calm. Even in difficulties. Especially when new family sets in, i feel more complete. Marriage is not all about him only..also about his family that I love as much as my own family.

Anyway, to my dear hubby. Tq for everything. I am truly grateful to have u in my life. Lets pray that Allah will always cherish us with love and iman.

Happy birthday to you! We will enjoy your birthday celebration "adult" way hahaha :P

Ujian dan hikmah

I think most of ppl know..i lost my precious angel on last january. That is one of the most devastated moment i ever had in my life.

I came out strong. At times i was weak.

Alhamdulillah Allah gave me another chance. I am afraid all the time. I had nightmares..smtms i cannot sleep at night. I check myself almost every 15mins.. Plus my pregnancy tis time is not that easy. I had bleeding again around 8weeks. I cried shamelessly in front of ppl. My hubby always there for me. Its not easy for him, i know. Also, every week I need to get injection from clinic to increase my hormone..also scan for every 2 weeks. I never feel burdened by that as I can see progress of my baby from setitik dot until now jadi baby.

I had my miscarriage once. Tp ppl keep saying. Jg2...asek gugur je. Haiya...n ppl joke at me siap ckp nak bg anak dia kt ktorg..haih. Maybe diorg lupa we're jz married for couple of months. In fact im.pregnant twice in 5months!

I pray day n night. In my prayer i say to Allah i am willing to bear all the pains and i am willing to gv my life to make sure my baby is survived n healthy. I feel happy when i feel the pain, and when i'm not i will start worry..haha. God knows how patience my husband is.. Also my family n friend.. Friend who never fail to ask about me..n not bored to hear about my progress..Thank you dear :)

I never knew dat i will have this strong mom's instinct. I am truly grateful for the bad times as i became more appreciate n the bonding with my baby.
I became weak...not active...cant do loads of things..but everything jz felt so sweet. I am willing to gv anything n everything.
I know my journey is still long...uncertain. I am grateful that i am given this chance. Tq baby for being strong n make mama n daddy become stronger n love each other more n more.
Gambar ni masa 10weeks. Sgt xpercaya ada smthng in my womb. N at 12 weeks u already smile and waving to us. U are so active! Your grandparents pun x percaya when we told them, but when they saw the picture, they were touched. I do not have softcopy of that picture.will post later.

Alhamdulillah :-)

Kehidupan Selepas..... & Pengalaman Berpantang

Hi everyone..
Rasa macam nak update tentang hidup post miscarriage.

Ok..selepas D&C, saya pun melalui proses berpantang seperti org2 beranak.
Takdelah strict sgt tapi i can proudly say I follow la most of berpantang. Sebab dalam pikiran nak lekat cepat2, nak sihat cepat2.

Rutin berpantang keguguran
pagi - hubby sediakan air mandian herba dan bertungku. Tungku ni light2 je n jangan letak di bahagian rahim. sarapan kadang2 shake herbalife, kadang2 roti

pakai stokin setiap masa. sepanjang hari memang berehat sahaja atau tengok tv atau baca buku. ye. memang bosan. kipas pun xleh kuat2.
tgh hari - lunch: ikan selar bakar, sawi sup, ikan bilis lada hitam, bubur kosong, ikan singgang, pernah buat kari, kdg2 beli ayam kampung goreng tu, buah oren, buah epal. elakkan makanan yang sejuk, sayur menjalar, buah2 tempatan, ikan2 berbisa

ptg - mandi herba, letak minyak herbanika satu badan. kadang2 kalau rajin bertangas.

ohhh saya memang beli satu set NR. Pagi2 makan 2 biji phytonatal n phytocleanse. asid folic n vitamin lain pun x dilupa. Air akar herbanika tu minum sepanjang masa. owh bengkung mmg xpakai la..

Berpantang sendiri di rumah bersama suami. Achievement juga. haha.

Semua aturan berpantang memang dari belajar sendiri suka hati, dari kawan2 yg baru beranak dan dari mak bidan. Saya after 1 week D&C start mengurut setiap minggu. Tepat 30 days berpantang, buat rawatan penutup, sengkak rahim.

Walau berpantang, perkara yang paling susah ialah untuk duduk diam. Bab makanan alhamdulillah boleh control tapi bab nak kuar tu memang susah. 3 days after D&C dah gi tgk wayang..5 days after dah pergi bagi talk kat sekolah. 7 days after gi setup candy buffet. Lepas tu balik kampung. haha. Alhandulillah ada business, so xdela mati kutu sangat. Ada je mende yang boleh dibuat.

Syukur sangat memang sangat sihat sepanjang2 tempoh berpantang dan juga selepas tu. Tak ada demam, pening kepala atau sakit perut etc. Bila follow up check up pun doc cakap rahim nampak cantik. Cuma perut selepas pantang 40 hari jadi sangat sensitif. makan yang pelik sikit je terus cirit birit. haha. Sebab dah lama makan bersih je kan..

Alhamdulillah semua yang dilalui memang rasa smooth. Dalam tempoh sebulan memang ada beberapa kali termenangis sebab rindukan baby. Apapun, memang kehidupan diteruskan seperti biasa, malah lebih bersemangat :)

Owh lupa..banyak ilmu saya dapat dari bidan muda vogue lagi cantik, Kak Ice. She is very very good. Urutan dia pun best n she is highly demanded. Memang da letak dalam kepala la kalau ada rezeki baby lagi, memang nak amek dia. Boleh carik dia kat fb Siti Aishah Confinement. You wont regret :D

Review 8: My Make Up Artist

Eh..baru review 8 kahh

haih lembab betul update psl wedding. excited sbnarnya nak cerita banyak sebab diri sendiri plan a-z kan.

ok...untuk mekap i hire my favorite MUA Eyra Rizal. Pernah makeup dgn dia and attend makeup class. So to be safe hire je dia since dia dah tawu muka sume kan.

She is from KL. so byr sekali transport n accomodation. n i would say very affordable. mmg xnak spend beribu2 just utk mekap...sekali je plak tu. better jaga badan, seri muka (cehhhhh statement!) x2..better spend something yg nmpak n boleh kenang bila2.

sangat2 berpuas hati dgn make up dia. yg penting muka sendiri nampak. xdelah org puji "cantiknya mekap" hahahaha. intimidated tak. so i requested something yg sangat simple n pastel color. yg penting even hujan n penat peluh2 masa outdoor, masih cantik.

sebenarnya byk drama dgn make up ni. hahahaha. tp ni memang dugaan la kan. sesat segala. mekap nikah xsampai 30min n reception 40min je kot. for me that always put punctuality at no 1, diduga mcm ni. yela..takkan semua nak perfect kan? :) syukur alhamdulillah, just small matter.

so i still recommend her :)

x, bukan her fault. serius mmg takdir haha. Allah nak uji kesabaran.

Chocolate Fountain & Candy Buffet Package by Sugar Town

Saja nak publish balik kat blog ni. i have been doing this business for more than 1 year. Niat DIY candy buffet bertukar jadi bisnes. Alhamdulillah sekarang dah ada ramai crew yang bekerja under sugar town.

So bagi siapa2 yang masih mencarik candy buffet yg berpatutan dan memang alhamdulillah terima banyak good review, come come.

Go to

http://ilovesugartown.blogspot.com

or

www.facebook.com/ilovesugartown

Ni serba sedikit pasal pakej yg ada.

Sewa Baju Nikah + Dress Reception

Ok, setelah 6 bulan berlalu majlis..maka baru terbuka hati nak sewakan baju nikah n reception dress.haha.

(sebenarnya sebab langsung x muat xde harapan dah)

ok...1st of all, baju nikah. its peach color. very simple peplum labuh with attached veil at the back.
masa ni nak kelainan sikit sebab masa tunang hari tu dah pakai veil kat kepala. 

2metre shawl with attached lace yg dah siap beading sume just tinggal pin kan je.

i reli love this dress. simple n sweet je. ohhh n ada train sikit kat kain. 

 can fit M. my size masa tu. pinggang 27 and bawah 40. ehem. my height is 157. tp kain ni agak labuh sikit and ada train kat belakang.

ok..next one..reception dress. color is lilac..meaning..very very soft purple..
this dress is princess cut..material dia chiffon n fully lining. By Najib Salman

Bawah ni design dia..memang sebijik la hasilnya..  

actually potongan ni ala2 kimono dgn stash kat pinggang.

hmmm baju ni sebenarnya sangat syg nak sewa..

Ohhh ada 3M veil. bila lagi kan nak pakai veil panjang2 hehee. feeling2 princess sikit :P

if nk rent veil saja pun boleh..

size ni can fit M and L.

siapa2 nak sewa or nak tgk closer view of these 2 beautiful dresses, email me orkid88@gmail.com or whatsapp 0162022309.

Kembali Bersiaran

Fuh semenjak last entry..macam2 aktiviti.. hahaha

terlampau busy..now baru ada masa sebab mc seminggu. lol

okla..ada masa nak update pasal wedding. even da 6 bulan berlalu. sebab masih terima email asking about wedding preps :)

How's my life so far?

Syukur ya Allah..it has been great :D

p/s: teringat gmbr ni yg candid by my fren..masa ni si dia duduk n bisik "you are very beautiful, syg". i never forget those words and u still saying that, every day.. :D

Vacancy for HR & CSC position in Shell

We are seeking to recruit Human Resource Professionals and Customer Service Professionals to fill various vacancies within the HRV and CSC divisions.

Requirements:
HR Services

 Must have a Bachelor’s degree in Human Resource, Business Administration, Management, or an equivalent academic discipline, with between 1 to 2 years of work experience in Human Resource

 We also encourage you to apply if you have a Diploma in Human Resource, Business Administration, Management, or an equivalent academic discipline, but you must have no less than 2 years of relevant Human Resource work experience

 Has good communication and interpersonal skills

 A results oriented individual, who is fast paced, resourceful and proactive

 Ability to speak, read & write Arabic/Thai/Mandarin/Cantonese would be an added advantage. We have roles that would require the incumbent to liaise with stakeholders in China, Hong Kong, Thailand & Middle East

 Candidates must be flexible & willing to work on shift (for selected roles)



Customer Service Centre
 Must have a Bachelor’s degree in any academic discipline, with between 1 to 2 years of work experience in call centre.

 We also encourage you to apply if you have a Diploma in any academic discipline, but you must have no less than 2 years of relevant call centre work experience

 Has good communication and interpersonal skills

 A results oriented individual, who is fast paced, resourceful and proactive

 Ability to speak, read & write Bahasa Indonesia/Mandarin/Cantonese would be an added advantage. We have roles that would require the incumbent to liaise with stakeholders in China, Hong Kong & Indonesia

 Candidates must be flexible & willing to work on alternate Saturdays (for selected roles)



ACT NOW if you are a suitable candidate. Please submit your applications at the SBSC Career Site and state SITI NUR' RAHMAH BTE MUHAB SHAH as a referrer in your online application forms:

http://www.shell.com.my/aboutshell/careers-tpkg/shell-business-service-centre/app-jobs-shell-business-service-ctr-kl.html



Positions to Apply For:

HR Services - A34188 HR Services

Customer Service Centre - A34189 Customer Service Centre



Closing Date: 22 February 2013



Interview (by invitation only) will take place in Wisma Shell, Cyberjaya on the following dates:



HRV: 7 & 8 March 2013

CSC: 8 March 2013

Jagalah Diri

I think this is the best song that describes my feeling now..
Every words...and the melody..it touched my heart..
Conclude what I want to say that cannot be spoken

20 days since he left us..

Jagalah Diri – Jaclyn Victor

Mata kau berhentilah menangis
Jemari kesat ke pipi
Hati cukuplah dirasuk sedih
Kerana kau takkan kembali

Takdir mengubah hubungan kita
Dia padam dari jaga
Bicara hanyalah dalam doa
Yang dipanjat pada yang Esa
Ya Tuhanku
Jagalah diri ini menempuh
Hidup sepi tabah menerima takdir

Ya Tuhanku
Ketemukanlah kami berdua nanti
Hingga itu ku mohon kau
Jagalah dirinya
Jiwa walaupun terpisah jua
Selalu pergi dengan-Nya
Sisa yang masih ada di sini
Ku bertaut ke nafas terakhir


Al-Fatihah... semoga kami bertemu di syurga. Ameen.

Vacancy for Finance Operation in Shell

For those who has passion, willingness to learn, want to work in international environment company,

and you're background is Finance,

THIS IS A CHANCE FOR YOU.

I find working in Shell is a very colorful journey. I was nothing back then, Shell has pushed me to become more than I expect to be, and more to come..


We are seeking to recruit Accounting & Finance professionals to fill various vacancies within the FO division.

Requirements:
 Must have a Professional Certificate in ACCA/CPA/CIMA, or a Bachelor’s degree in Accounting/Finance/Banking

 Relevant experience (in accordance with positions):

1. Associate: 0 - 3 years’ experience

2. Analyst: 3 - 5 years’ experience

3. Team Manager: 5 - 8 years’ experience (inclusive of at least 1 year of supervisory experience)



 Has good analytical skills, is meticulous and able to work independently

 A results oriented individual, who is fast paced, resourceful and proactive

 Has good working knowledge of Microsoft Applications, especially MS Excel

 Ability to speak, read & write Mandarin, Cantonese or Thai would be an added advantage. We have roles that would require the incumbent to liaise with stakeholders in China, Hong Kong and Thailand

Submit your application at the SBSC Career Site and state my name  SITI NUR' RAHMAH BTE MUHAB SHAH as a referrer in your online application forms: http://www.shell.com.my/home/content/mys/aboutshell/careers_tpkg/shell_business_service_centre/job_search/app_jobs_shell_business_service_ctr_kl.html
Position to Apply for - A31883 Finance Operations

Closing Date: 17 February 2013


Thank you and we look forward to your application

Review D&C di Annur Bangi

Alhamdulillah sudah genap 10 hari selepas D&C atau orang melayu panggil "cuci rahim".

Marilah kita flashback kronologi peristiwa ni.

1. Lepas Dr. Khamsiah confirmkan yang kandungan memang tak selamat, kami terus book utk D&C di Annur Bangi. Kami diberi dokumen2 utk admit OT and hospital. Operation dijadualkan at 730am. So kena ada kat hospital by 6.30am

2. Menanti saat utk D&C sangat memeritkan. After stop makan duphaston. Bleeding makin bertambah, dengan cramp yang dahsyat. Bayangkan menahan sakit dari Jumaat sampai Rabu.. Before u ask anything, i cant take painkiller, so kena tahan sakit. Tapi entah, rasa indah je sakit tu. Membayangkan sdg contraction (i know it way lagi sakit)

Ni muka mengantuk pagi2 di Hospital Pakar Annur. I was excited coz nak cepat2 sihat. Bagus jugak buat lambat sebab ketika ni emosi dah sangat2 stabil

3. Kami menunggu dalam wad. Tukar baju yang patut. Oh lupa, kena berpuasa dari 12 malam sebelum tu dan makan ubat untuk buka rahim. My last meal was at Miyagi hehe. Just in case la kalau2 jadi apa2 hahaa.

Prosedur untuk ibu-ibu yang bersalin di Annur.

Ni bila dah tukar baju sakit. First time wooo sume ni hahaa

Tak sakit pun cewah hahaa

Kami tempah single room. Tak kesah sangatla kos dia sebab GL haha.

4. Lepas tu, nurse bawak masuk ke OT. Doc bius cakap saya akan tidur, bila bangun je semua dah siap. Dr. Khamsiah pun datang dan terus dibius.

5. Bangun2 je terdengar orang bercakap2. Owhh dah siap dah. Dalam 30mins je kot tak silap. Rasa "vibrate" satu badan. Then Dr. Kham datang tanya if sakit. Nope. Alhamdulillah tak rasa sakit. Much much better than before. tapi dah start rasa pening dan rasa nak muntah

6. Dr. cakap kena stay 1 day sebab bleeding banyak. Ok je stay. Bilik pun best. Tak pernah tido hospital. haha. Nurse cek every 30mins pendarahan n blood pressure. Afta 4 hours baru boleh makan. Alhamdulillah semua ok. I was supposed to take painkiller tp xdela kan. But it was ok, sebab tak sakit sangat.

Malam tu family datang. Diorang bawak album dan video masa kitorang kawen haritu. Sebab baru je siap. I just married for 2 month remember? haha. That night was full with laugh n love. I feel blessed :)

Yang bestnya masa melawat dari 9am-11pm and sangat rasa close n kecik so rasa sangat privacy. Famili siap duduk bawah  bukak surat khabar makan sate. haha

Ni gambar after operation n masa nak discharge.

My review for Annur

Good:

1. Nurse sangat sopan santun, baik, caring

2. Faciliti bagus

3. Doc pakar yang bagus (Dr. Khamsiah)

4. Setiap masa dialunkan bacaan al quran. Rasa sangat tenang

Improvement

1. Lack of communication between nurse yang tukar shift. I need to explain byk kali that i have allergies on medicines

2. Jumpa doc sangat kejap. Tak sampai 5 minit kot. haha. ke memang mcm tu?

Ohh lagi satu sebenarnya masih "terasa hati" dengan Annur. Sebab i got emergency n reference letter from doc because of my bleeding..bila nak jumpa doc pakar O&G on Saturday dia tolak mentah2 sebab appointment full. Xde sistem/kelonggaran utk case mcm ni? Esp dapat reference letter dari Hospital Annur sendiri. Hmmm..Xpelah..dah lepas.

Overall, good review la. Maybe can consider to give birth here. Tapi utk checkup masih torn..coz tunggu sampai 3 jam tapi bila dapat jumpa doc dlm 5minit je..sbb 1st pregnancy, I want more detailed explanation.. or ke mmg camtu? haha.

Owh lupa..total semua rm2400++. Terkejut wehhh. haha. Nasib ada GL :P

Untuk pengalaman my miscarriage boleh refer here and here

Review 7: Mini Pelamin & Bilik Pengantin

Kali ni nak review pasal mini pelamin/pelamin nikah.

I want something simple. Suci...romantik..gitu. and paling penting dangling flowers n crystal

So I sent some pics to my awesome bridal - Rafie.

This is the output. Cantikkan? For me at least. hahaha. Ok.. saya mengimpikan masa nikah i sit there dikelilingi dayang2 aka bridesmaid kat bawah and mama n my sister duduk sebelah.

tetapi...

penat je upah pelamin cantik2 hahahaa.

ok. masa tu maybe salah saya gak la coz siap mekap lambat. mekap x sampai 30min u volsssss. haaaa. hahaa. dah x nervous nak nikah dah masa tu. just nervous siap ke tak mekap tu.

bila2 keluar tu...imam suruh duduk sebelah my hubby. haaa??

masa tu hanyalah REDHA hahaha

bila ingat2 balik sangat kelakar ye rasanya.

n my bridesmaid "stuck" kat pelamin tu. makanya saya sorang saja di situ. hoho

ok..next pasal bilik pengantin

tirai and bunga2 tu from Rafie.

My inspiration utk bilik ni ikut kepala sendiri.

I want simple, romantic n ala2 english

puas carik side table yang berkenan. Akhirnya jumpa yang berkenan di Romantika Angsana.

Then lampu meja n orchid from there too.

cadar n comforter tu i recycle balik dari masa tunang. sebab puas carik set cadar pengantin, takde yang berkenan di hati, semua berkilat2, berlabuci..mahal sangat pulak tu.

i bought masa sale kat Parkson.

katil tu katil lama..i asked my dad to paint it white.

owh...karpet tu from jakel n ada chandelier sgt cantik hehe..

shopping barang dlm bilik ni n setup sume was done 2 days before event. haha.

totally i am satisfied with my pelamin n bilik pengantin. simple n memorable :)

anyway siapa2 yang berminat nak hire my wedding bridal:

Contact him for quotation

Rafie Mahmood 0123035363
FB: Search Prettyphannatiq Weddings & Events
Or u can visit his bridal studio at:
M-Suites Hotel,
Straits View, Jln Skudai,
Johor Bahru