30.12.2013

adui boleh terlupa ada blog haha
anyway, alhamdulillah i have delivered a cute baby boy on 30dec 2013. penutup tirai 2013 katanya.
nama diberi: Wan Akyd Rizqi bin Wan Mohd Fauzan
Berat: 3.66kg
birth story coming soon!

Moment of Truth

While waiting the time of my delivery, I never forget about the thing that had happened to me early this year.

A loss is still a loss, no matter how "normal" it is, how "small" it is..

Different people takes it differently. For me, it changes my life. It changes the way I appreciate every little thing in my life. Change the way I love people. Make me stronger (and weaker at times)

I am always a fighter. I fight till I get the thing I want. Also I am a good actress I would say. The person who can see my true color is my husband.

It is hard. Especially to hear people's feedback about this. Some are not considerate (maybe they never gone through this) and some are real supportive. The last person u expect will ask personally about my condition, is among the first who whatsapp me. I truly appreciate it.

The fear of never ever getting chance to be a mama. Fear of something is really wrong with me. Fear that people are right..

I got some people who asked me whether I dah ada "isi" ke belum few days after my miscarriage. Ada yang ckp horror stories, about I might never pregnant again

It feels like a punishment at first..Allah gave u something and take it back too soon.

From that moment, I tried to conceive again even my gynae warned me not too for at least 3 months. The first month is full of tears. It was quite depressing to see negative symbol. Last time, when I was pregnant I got another 4 person who pregnant also at the same time. Also my bestfriends who personally asked me and shared their good news when they successfully conceived just after few weeks I miscarried. My circle is full with good news. I cant be selfish and blamed them as they have all the reasons in the world to be happy..just like ur happy on your graduation day, wedding day, anything! but I know the level of joy of being pregnant is 100times better.Only a mother can understand this. I never understand this until I am a mother. I was truly happy, still sharing tips etc but as a normal person, sometimes I found myself cried in the middle of the night.  

People who never experienced loss will never understand this.

Allah is great. He gave me another chance. This time, I will make sure I take care of my baby. Give the best for him. Shower him with the love. Capture and enjoy every moment. Cause I never know when it will be ended. Even I am doing that, people keep giving negative responses.

Parenting is not only a natural process. I have zero knowledge. Then I have to learn. I dont know why people make big fuss about it, its not that i commit crime. I just want to be a better parent coz I know that I have a lot of weakness in my life. I never a good daughter..

I never regret about my miscarriage and my short TTC journey. Sometimes I flashback and make me feel more grateful about anything..some people just picture me as being showing off.. or too excited. Allah knows best and I am lucky that I have circle of positive family and friends.

I pray that all my pregnant ladies, moms and TTCians to be well and hope their dreams come true. ameen ameen.

never count on others' people blessings..u never know their battle and focus more on your own blessings..no one is better than anyone. I may have this wonderful story, I also have struggles in life. Alhamdulillah for everything :)

38 weeks

Hi semua..

Minggu ni dah 38 weeks..dah kena buat weekly checkup..sebab tahap kesihatan diri pun tak berapa optimum. Owh well..dah dekat2 ni macam2 la masalah baru timbul. InsyaAllah I'm keeping myself positive sebab all through 9 months, I am really healthy :)

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah utk aku mencapai gentle birth.

Last week check up air ketuban kurang..this week air ketuban masih kurang and baby kedudukan OP. Dalam 1 week jugaklah berat naik lebih 1kg. Dah terasa badan tak best sebab pulun makan kek, aiskrim and makan berkali2 satu masa meal tu..haha. Makanya, kena yoga and exercise lebih la ni..n kali ni kena amek MC..

Ok..i reli keen to update everything around my preparation and also parenthood journey..tp still contemplating..should i update here or create new blog? hmmm hmmm

I love sharing..lagipun seronok sebab mmg ramai yang tanya macam2..especially i really want to share about my crazy experience in raising my baby dgn career yg demanding.

lets see how..i got 1 free week  haha

Tanda2 Awal Pregnant

Ramai yang tanya pasal tanda2 awal pregnant. For me I have this symptom twice!

Masa yang 1st time preggy, tanda2 tu agak2 obvious..

1. Sudden increase of appetite

2. Breast tenderness, serious sgt sakit

3. Instinct kot...

Owh..lagi satu..xde angin, xde ribut, tiba2 join netball team kat opis. Siap beli lagi bola nak praktis haha. Serius hubby terkejut. Sebab last time I played was during primary school.

Then, my closed fren kat opis yg tgh preggy knew about my intention about playing netball. Asked me about my period etc. I was quite in denial sbb baru sgt kawen kot haha. She forced me to buy UPT.

2nd time...

I feel nothing...my breast pun x tender macam masa 1st time dulu.. tp yang pasti, my instinct was quite strong that something is happening.. sbb bdn rasa panas lain macam. I feel a bit tired. I even bought UPT and tested it before my expected period day

Then masa hari yang patut period tu, ada blood stain. I was quite confident tu period. I was a bit dissapointed but relief as well..sbb shows that my period is regular.

Tapi.......that it is. Sekali tu je blood stain. Then xde...then next few days ada lagi sikit tompok. Then try UPT. Alhamdulillah. I am pregnant! Perasaan takut tu lebih dari excited sebenarnya..takut berulang lagi. So sentiasa berjaga2.

Owh doktor pun "marah" sbb 1 month + je beza, dah lekat balik. huhu

Anyway, susah nak cakap pasal tanda2 awal pregnant ni sebab tanda dia sgt similar dgn nak period. Doa banyak2 dalam tu dijaga n lekat. InsyaAllah.

3rd trimester

Alhamdulillah
sometimes i can't believe we made this through this far. Syukur sgt2.

keadaan awal 3rd trimester
- sangat3 aktif, semua org tegur..few colleagues yg sama term dgn i pun dah nampak slow tp i still xsedar diri
- baby is so genius. responding to our action
- badan rasa berat..haha

i had tough 1st tri...alhamdulillah now im on top of my health. looking forward to his grand entrance. everyday sure excited coz everyday is one day closer to see him

- its amazing how baby masih dlm perut pun boleh buat both of us ketawa heee.

syukur :)

Birth Affirmation

Hypnobirthing Class by Nadine

Helloooo

Cant believe now I am at my 26weeks already. Dulu masa 4 bulan, sibuklah risau perut kempis..xnampak2 haha. tapi..now...perut membesar dgn jayanya. hahaha.

Ok..sebenarnya terlampau banyak nak update pasal my pregnancy progress ni. Seronok sangat melalui perkara baru. Everyday is a learning process.

Today nak update pasal hynobirthing.

I first heard about this masa my colleague cerita pasal ni. She shared me all the links and i terus jatuh cinta! Apa tu hypnobirthing? Hypnosis + birthing. So ala2 beranak under hipnosis. haha. All in all, it is all about technique to give birth safely, gently and comfortable.

What hypnobirthing is not? Hypnobirth bukan homebirth taw. Patutla ramai sangat yang mencebik or avoid conversation bila ckp i attend hypnobirth. No...actually its a technique yg u boleh apply kat mana2..kat rumah ke, hospital, csect ke.

hypnobirth ni basically to know how your body works, apa jenis interventions yg kat hospital, tlg kita utk buat informed decision

selalunya, dulu kita ada mindset yang proses melahirkan anak ni kita serah bulat2 kat doctor. padahal tu baby kita, kita yang push the baby..we were so ignorance. but in this time of technology, kita kene research everything we do, questions and make the best decisions. even kita plan the smallest thing kan? apentah lagi pasal beranakkkk. it is an important business!! hehe

"Just as a woman’s heart knows how and when to pump, her lungs to inhale, and her hand to pull back from fire, so she knows when and how to give birth. ~ Virginia Di Orio"

The one yang I attend is with Nadine. Both of us enjoy n look forward for the class. Ada macam2 module. Paling best sbb semua ni adalah ah-ha moment for us. Something we can apply. Paling penting ubah mindset and make us really excited about this pregnancy journey. Class setup is at her condo, selesa and max 5 couples only. Seronok sbb more to sharing session/videos/visualization. Even pasrah sbb hubby kdg2 snooze masa hypnosis. cehhh hahaha.

if berminat or nak tawu pasal this class, can go here: http://www.mygentlebeginnings.com/ 

Setiap kelas 2.5 hours, ada 5 kelas. untuk yang merancang nak preggy or tgh preggy i recommend u put aside duit siap2 sebab its quite an amount gak la hehe. but serius worth it.

owhhh one more pre-birth preparation class is AMANI. pun tentang gentle birthing jugak. it is more on islamic principles. I went the preview of AMANI class under Puan Hayati Muzaffar. I recommend her for AMANI class. https://www.facebook.com/AMANIMalaysia 

Apa beza AMANI and hypnobirth class? I think the aim sama, to get gentle birth just the different is the technique. I chose hypnobirth sbb i nak belajar more on "hypnosis" and use mind techniques..sbb i think leh apply to other areas. AMANI pun ada ajar2 some teknik as well, and the fee is a bit cheaper. 

ohhh lupa nak bgtawu...natural birth and gentle birth is different taw. natural birth is keluar thru our vaginal, but gentle birth is normal vaginal birth with no intervention, no epidural, no episotomi, no drug, no painkillers and mmg enjoy the birth (less or no pain at all or even orgasmic birthing) haha. sbb philosophy gentle birth ni..cmne u get the baby (make love) macam tu la if nak keluarkan baby hehe. i dont knowwwww...need to practice to achieve that hehe

by next month, my hubby and i will start practice relaxation and visualization. insyaAllah.

here, we also being taught of birth companion or doula. alaa...skrg kan hospital dah benarkan ada yang teman. so dlm kelas ni jugaklah diterangkan apa birth companion tu should do. birth companion/doula bukan bidan ok! dia adalah cheerleader, our papa bear, org yang paling tahu pasal apa kita nak and how to calm us. so for my case...my hubby will be my doula! hehe. 

sejak tawu pasal this one, i can say all the couples in this support system is very good, they introduced about a lot of good things,infant massage, babywearing, breastfeeding, nutrition, exercise, bykla! because how we handle our pregnancy and birthing sbnrnya is a hint how we will manage our lil ones and life :)

I am sooo blessed to be in very positive circle/support system. Sentiasa share pasal pregnancy, birthing, child education etc. I know this is really up to Allah's plan but i do believe He wants us to put best effort. My aim is not jz to have easy birth, but most importantly to welcome my baby to this harsh world. His entry shouldnt be harsh and my hubby and I want to create bonding with him. Do the best we could :)